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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Bill Clinton hit the campaign trail in New Hampshire for Hillary Clinton's candidacy Monday ahead of next month's Democratic primary. The former president reflected onstage just how much he has learned since he himself served as president. He never thought about drugging the women first.

The FBI was mum Monday over whether the inquiry into Hillary Clinton's e-mails had grown into a full-fledged investigation. It's hard to tell how much classified data she e-mailed. Last month Hillary's computer crashed when she threw it out of her campaign plane at forty thousand feet.

The Jeb Bush presidential campaign reported Thursday it has spent forty million dollars on TV ads targeting voters in Iowa and New Hampshire. However, CNN just revealed he's polling at three percent. It's gotten so bad that Jeb Bush is now running attack ads against the margin of error.

President Obama's executive order Tuesday requires U.S. doctors to report the names of insane patients to the FBI. That's a tough call. Right now in America, the definition of insanity is teetering between a state of mind that believes Donald Trump can win and a state of mind that believes he can't.

President Obama broke down and cried during his speech expanding background checks for gun buyers Tuesday at the White House. Democrats aren't afraid to show they care. Bill Clinton used to tear up all the time when he was the president until he developed a resistance to pepper spray.

The National Enquirer quoted a new book titled Wilderness, citing claims that Marco Rubio impregnated a GOP Florida political worker and that he's secretly supporting a second family. This could seriously affect his presidential candidacy. If these stories were true, he'd have to run as a Democrat.

The United Nations Committee on Refugees urged Western countries to accept more victims of violence, bloodshed and civil war as temporary guests. Hundreds of refugees fleeing violence in their country made it into England Monday. Heathrow Airport receives six flights a day from Chicago.

The Weather Channel aired footage of El Nino's long-heralded arrival in California Tuesday as rainstorms lashed Los Angeles and blizzards buried the Sierra Madres. Help is on the way. Donald Trump is building a roof to keep El Nino out of the U.S. and he's going to make God pay for it.

Ted Cruz's eligibility to run for president was cited by Donald Trump Thursday. The Harvard grad was born in Canada to a Cuban dad and Anglo-Saxon mom. Democrats fell over laughing at the idea that a Harvard-educated bi-racial man born in another country could be elected U.S. president.

President Obama's executive order on gun control met with widespread opposition Wednesday over its particulars. It allows doctors to report mentally ill patients to the FBI. Doctors generally consider anybody mentally ill who thinks that their insurance plan will cover their entire medical bill.

-- Argus Hamilton

On "Face the Nation" yesterday, Donald Trump accused Ted Cruz of copying his immigration reform plan, specifically his idea of building a giant wall. Then China said, "Uh, hello?"

In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that she would investigate UFOs, and said that aliens may have already visited Earth. When he heard that, Trump said, "Forget the wall. We need a dome! Just build a huge dome. A huge classy beautiful dome! We'll make the aliens pay for the dome."

-- Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's television ad mistakenly shows footage from Morocco instead of Mexico. Trump insists it's not a mistake, and he's going to build a fence along the U.S.-Moroccan border and make Morocco pay for it.

Donald Trump is now accusing Ted Cruz of having a Canadian passport. Cruz said he doesn't have a Canadian passport, but like everyone else he'll get one the minute Donald Trump becomes president.

-- Conan

I imagine Jeb Bush's resolution was probably to spend more time with his supporter. Hillary Clinton's resolution is currently being focus-grouped. Donald Trump doesn't have any resolutions because resolutions are for losers and he's a winner.

Hillary Clinton complained about having to take selfies with voters, saying that it takes up too much time at campaign events. Yeah, good one, Hillary. That's the way to capture the youth vote — directly criticize their favorite thing in the whole world.

Hillary said she doesn't like selfies because the interaction is very impersonal. She said, "If anything is going to be impersonal on this campaign trail, I prefer it to be me."

-- James Corden

Cruz has mocked the ridiculousness of Trump's allegations by posting a video on Twitter of Fonzie from "Happy Days" jumping the shark. Which I say proves Cruz is an American, because if he were a Canadian he would have released a video of Celine Dion jumping a Tim Hortons.

-- Steven Colbert




(Thank you, Rev)

Quote: ThirstyMan wrote in post #2

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Thanks Pookie!

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Thanks for the thread, Pookie!!!

Quote: Cyber Liberty wrote in post #4

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Thanks for the thread, Pookie!!!

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Kam ouen, Pookie

Quote: Cincinnatus wrote in post #6

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Kam ouen, Pookie

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