President Trump warned Iran to expect the worst if they launched a retaliatory strike that kills a U.S. citizen. Angry rioters in Iran stampeded each other at Soleimani's funeral. Years from now, Democrats will remember President Trump's drone strike in 2020 that made Iran hate us since 1979.
The Iranian military kept its promise to strike back at U.S. forces in the Middle East when they fired a dozen missiles and cruise missiles into Western Iraq. I don't think they were trying to kill anyone with the missiles. They were just returning the merchandise they bought with Obama's money.
Iran's Major General Qassim Soleimani's casket was carted through the streets in Teheran to a memorial service. The huge crowd broke into a stampede, killing fifty mourners. That evening, CNN was reporting that President Trump killed fifty people during a Muslim funeral service.
Capitol Hill's mood shifted as lawmakers were briefed by the CIA on Soleimani's planned attack on U.S. personnel. The Congressional mood was tense following the Iran missile strike before it was revealed no U.S. soldiers were hit. Nancy Pelosi had her plastic surgeon put a worried look on her face.
Iran's government at first denied accidentally shooting down the Ukrainian airliner that went down shortly after takeoff last week from Teheran Airport. Another huge controversy is brewing. Video clearly shows that Iran shot down the airliner but the New York City prison coroner has ruled it a suicide.
President Trump insisted on his right to drone strike Iran's General Soleimani at the Baghdad Airport. Many are skeptical. After Iran's counterattack, it's now widely believed that the Iranians fired the missile that accidentally killed Soleimani, and that Trump is just taking credit for it.
Iran's Ayatollah warned the U.S. that the missile attack was just a taste of what their military can do. They fired twelve missiles, all of them duds, and Iran said they have more of those where they came from, Acme Manufacturing. They shop at the same place as the Democrats.
Michael Moore in an interview with Rolling Stone's podcast forecasted that President Trump will be re-elected to another four years in office in November. He then warned Americans to stop trusting white people. I think the only white person Michael Moore trusts is the Pillsbury Doughboy.
The White House trumpeted good news in manufacturing, housing starts, home sales, retail sales, online business and record low unemployment. We're pretty much firing on all cylinders now. The Trump economy is doing so well it's got Royals coming off the welfare rolls.
Iran's government conceded that its rockets accidentally shot down the Ukrainian airliner and blamed the shoot-down on human error. That may well be true. Any time Iranian missiles are able to hit anything or shoot down anything, it is assumed to be not on purpose.
Queen Elizabeth agreed to allow Harry and Meghan to make their home in Vancouver, from which they'll shuttle back and forth to London for family and Hollywood for business. There's one good thing about living in Canada instead of Hollywood. You're surrounded by fewer snowflakes.
Duchess Meghan stated she wants to live in Canada until Trump is no longer president since she deems him to be racist. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's habit of appearing in blackface isn't nearly as racially offensive as Trump's orange spray tan. Apparently Orange really Is the New Black.
Elizabeth Warren claimed that Bernie Sanders told her six months ago that a woman can't get elected president. She's grasping for both feminist and for minority voters. Liz's campaign likes to point out that ever since Julian Castro dropped out, Elizabeth Warren is the only Latino in the race.
The Democratic debate in Iowa produced a nasty flare-up between Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. It got uncomfortably personal. Right after the debate, Liz told Bernie she takes back every nice thing she ever said about him, giving Bernie no choice but to call her an Indian-giver.